Local Army Leader Robs Bank

April 2023
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Posted on April 4, 2023 by MaddieCW3

BLIZZARD, Shamrock Bulletin Headquarters — Shocking news shook the Club Penguin Army Community recently. Calgo, the leader of ACP and a local accountant, is known for his prolific Nitro and Robux giveaways, and ACP troops appreciate his good will. He also funded our brother ally Help Force‘s website in their time of need. However, no one knows where Calgo‘s source of income comes from, until now.

For context, Calgo is the creator of the American Calgo Bank (ACB), and has opened branches across the many servers of the DRACP, along with Zipline (the capitol of Help Force) and Parka (the capitol of SWAT). He is quoted defining the goals of ACB as,

“The goal of the ACB is to give back to the community through our philanthropic efforts and we will soon be extending loans to other armies depending on their credit score on a need basis. We will rebuild armies one brick at a time!”

The following week after this announcement, fraudulent activity broke out in the ACP Discord server as martial law was announced following a hostile takeover by the “Council of Fraud.” This council consists of Calgo, Alu, Austin, AOL, and Shane, and they were very secretive about their goals. After attempting to interview the members, the only one who gave me any substantial information was Calgo, who said this,

The Council of Fraud shall give no comments as of today due to recent ongoing investigations by the greedy IRS. I plead the 5th.

Following this news, the Club Penguin Stock Exchange (CPSE) showed a 20% value drop in ACP stock, along with 5% drops in both Help Force and SWAT stocks (since it was rumored that new branches will be opening in their empires soon). The activities of this council seemed to subside, and all three stocks have bounced back and grown at a steady rate whilst keeping up with inflation.

This past weekend, Calgo confessed that he (relatively unsuccessfully) robbed a bank. His bombing heist was executed on March 11th, but was pointless due to the collapse of the bank, Silicon Valley Bank (SVB), the day before. Calgo was able to leave with enough cash to fund one basic Nitro giveaway, but because the robbery was non-violent and below $950 (the minimum for a robbery to be considered a felony in California), Calgo essentially “got away” with this crime. He was only able to come away with five hundred rolls of pennies, since that was the only currency denomination SVB had left, and SVB bankers were likely thrilled to get rid of them since the penny has stopped being minted as of April 1, 2023. This comes after Calgo was accused of running over troops with his “murder bus,” (read more here). He then yelled at CPA members to withdraw all their money, seemingly to steal it from them and fund his own endeavors.

At the time of this post’s publishing, the IRS has not made any moves to either investigate the ACB under the Money Laundering & Bank Secrecy Act (BSA) nor has it taken action to prevent the bank from collapsing. Local law enforcement has also not made any effort to investigate the alleged bombing. The Council of Fraud may have gotten away with their scheme, but was it worth it? Will the American Calgo Bank be able to continue funding its own army, ACP, and others such as Help Force and SWAT, or will it collapse?

It is rumored that most of the ACB’s security holdings are in the form of Dogecoin, a cryptocurrency whose creators are currently fighting in court against Elon Musk, accusing the multi-billionaire of running a pyramid scheme with their cryptocurrency (read more here). Interestingly, this week the icon for Twitter (the social media company recently bought by Musk) was changed to the Shiba Inu representative of Dogecoin in an apparent late April Fool’s joke (read more here). Could all these coincidences actually be part of a larger scheme facilitated by Calgo, the Council of Fraud, and Elon Musk, to cause the downfall of Club Penguin armies and the beloved Dogecoin cryptocurrency?

Many questions remain, but Shamrock Bulletin reporters will stay on the case until sufficient answers are discovered. If you have any tips, feel free to send us a message on Discord.

Mads

Pronouns: (they/them/their)

ACP Lieutenant General & Shamrock Bulletin Reporter