No Jokes Allowed

Posted on January 25, 2023 by

If you weren’t paying attention to the announcements channel lately, I wouldn’t blame you, but the running joke was that Calgo would be unexpectedly retiring. The trick was so pervasive that the poor man had to apologize – doesn’t he know you can’t joke in armies?

Imagine a world where a staff team likes their leader so much that jokes are made. I know it’s difficult, but Calgo has fostered an environment where staff can joke around, ~~sometimes taking it too far~~. I knew it was a joke when word came in that he would retire. The man has mentioned buying a clover-themed mug and driving an ACP bus. Calgo lives for ACP; he wouldn’t step away so early. Why would he be forcibly removed, either? Since his induction, he has lived and breathed green, resurrecting the army. Without insurmountable evidence of wrongdoing, I don’t expect such a beloved leader to go anywhere.

Instead, his staff joked about his departure to likely earn an interview with the league’s media team. It wouldn’t be the first time something similar has occurred. Secret Service and Fire Warriors fabricated an entire war, and Templars gained fame for their “war” with Ninjas. It’s far from unusual, and the fact the information permeated into the reporter’s lounge is entertaining. Unfortunately for Calgo, editors knew better and called his bluff – sorry, not sorry. Plus, no one wants to interview a person awaiting trial for vehicular manslaughter. He’d probably scare them away with his driving incapabilities and his penchant for novella-length statements.

This leads me to one of his latest announcements, for which I had two questions: Why does he have a death date, and why does he need to apologize for having fun? To answer the first, there is a rule restricting ACP leaders to 1 year, 6 months, and 3 days. Why? Not sure, but term limits are a catch-22; you get a fresh start, but you might end up with another murderer at the helm. To answer the second, he shouldn’t have to. There isn’t a need. If anything, he should have continued with his “retirement” event and let people roast him. The entire point of armies is to joke around and have fun. If you can’t do that anymore, it’s time to move on and find a new hobby. He only needs to apologize for killing all those people and lacking a satirical retirement post. His failure to produce one should be reason enough for a coup, but it’s a missed opportunity.

Kudos to the ACP staff and advisors for convincing so many people inside their army and in the general community. They achieved having the topic recommended numerous times and having such a good working environment that no one wanted to see their leader go. Next time, you’ll want to make it more believable by not bringing up Spotty so much. Otherwise, carry on and never apologize for having some harmless fun. It’s not like you’re hurting anyone. As an auspicious archivist likes to tell me, “no sorry.”