Hello ACP! Though I recently made a post announcing my return, I’d like to give you all a little insight into my life over the past year and several months. Many of you are meeting me for the first time. Some of you knew me before. Those who knew me before knew somewhat of a different me, and although I’ve explained bits and pieces to some of you, I’d like to give you all the whole story.
This post took more courage and more serious thought and consideration to write, even, than my retirement post. I was going to leave this until I depart once again at the end of the summer, but I’ve decided that if I’m getting a fresh start here, everyone should know the truth. Please be respectful.
It’s been a very eventful year and a half in my life. To start, let’s rewind back to March 2010.
When I retired, it wasn’t just the usual “I’m tired of ACP now, it’s boring” retirement, nor was it because I had been disgraced. It was part of a realization that I was letting this game control my life, and I needed to get out there and live. I can’t tell you enough how far that realization has gotten me now. My mental state reached its all-time low when I was demoted to Colonel. I had a breakdown in real life. I was kicking, screaming, and crying. I was 14 years old and throwing a temper tantrum like a 2-year-old. I needed to collect myself, so I decided to retire and get far, far away from this addiction. I was not going to let this power struggle consume me.
Around this time, I was also starting to get closer with some of my new friends. One of them, now my best friend, began to sort of change my life. Whereas my CP friends were unsuccessful in changing my mind about anything, having a friend in real life that I felt comfortable talking to made all the difference. I had a reputation here for being extremely socially conservative to the point of complete ignorance. It was what I had been taught all my life, and I clung to it in a desperate attempt to escape my own personal reality. Talking to my new best friend, however, I began to become more comfortable with my own self and more open-minded and accepting. I learned not only to let others live as they please, but to let myself live as I please as well.
I slowly accepted that I had been living a lie. The first thing I took into serious consideration was my religion. The more I thought about it, the more I doubted it. After a lot of hard thinking, I decided that I am an atheist. I do not intend to offend anyone who is religious with this post; to each his own. I simply came to the harsh realization that I could not believe what I had been told all my life and am still told today. But this was only the beginning. I would soon face something far more terrifying that I had wrestled with for years.
I’m gay. For years, I tried to convince myself that I liked girls. I even had a girlfriend for a few days last year when I was still in denial. It was not until this year that I was able to completely come to terms with this. I had repressed and denied this part of my life for far too long. Recently, I found a boyfriend online; however, he was 2000 miles away in Canada, so it was doomed from the start, and we broke up a few days ago. I still have not told many of those close to me in real life. I hope that ACP and the rest of the CP army community will be an accepting place.
I must make it very clear that I am still basically the same person. I still stand for justice. I can still joke around and have fun. I’m not here to impose my views on anyone here. I’m not the kind of effeminate gay guy you see on TV; I’m still just one of the guys.
I’m not posting this for sympathy; overall, my life is great. I have a nice family and great friends. I have you guys. There’s not much more I could ask for. I just feel that you all deserve to know these things about me.
It feels amazing to get this all out in the open. If you feel like you’re all alone and need someone to talk to, I’m always willing to listen. Rock on!
-!<~Dr Nono Jr~>!-
